Hi everyone!

Its so nice to find a place where at last people with learning difficiulties can find help and support, i have had no help or support and been very let down!

I have known my daughter was different from birth, she has never played with a toy even to this day, has always been too busy looking everywhere else and as she grew up she became increasingly difficult to look after, running off and becoming violent!

At school she has always been looked at by teachers and other children as "odd" or "strange", one teacher said "well, because of the way your daughter is she will never excel in life", as you can imagine she didnt stay at that school for long! I moved her to a new school where she gets help from a TA and is catching up in lessons but as far as making friends goes she has always found it hard plus she has been bullied a lot!  Due to her not being able to read people i have seen her outside waiting at the gate and trying to speak to other girls, they have blatently blanked her even to the point of turning there backs and laughing at her but my daughter has no idea and still talks away to them, it really breaks my heart!

She has seen a psychologist but one tried to say her behavior problems were due to my anxiety!  another told me she is 5 years behind mentally but she does show signs of having ADD! that was 3 years ago and although i have tried to get someone to see my daughter again since as she keeps literally tearing her hair out and saying she wants to die i have heard nothing back! I have been back in touch yet again and have an appointment this tuesday to see a behavioral nurse as i think her problems are complex and now at 10 years old she is no different, if anything in some ways she is worse as now if we go anywhere different she will completely freak out and we have to go home!

Does anyone have any advice for me as my daughter really does need help but am afraid i am going to have the same attitude again when i go back on tuesday? 

you do not say if you have had her assessed fully with some sort of explanation  of her needs or/and a diagnosis. She obviously has a learning difficulty and you say she has some support at school however had you thought of contacting the children’s mental health team and perhaps having a councilor to talk to her independently (make sure you check your mental health team and what they offer though – some teams can make the situation worse -  -perhaps she just needs to talk to someone experienced about her feelings - she is 10 and is demonstrating some anxiety with pulling her hair which might be an indication that she is not happy with herself.  She needs some reassurances and some positive thoughts.  Find out if there is a group of like minded children in her area she could join,You have had 10 years of your daughter and with that have had to struggle with people giving you negative vibes about her – no matter what her difficulties are ther is something in your child that is special – find out what that is and and tell her -  let her find out what her skills are, often as parents we tend to look at the negative - is there something she enjoys to do, have you noticed that she is good at art, or music, or sport or anything - school is a place that amplifies children’s difficulties be they learning difficulties, size, culture etc etc - and it's a most cruel place and as I have a daughter who has a ld my heart often splits in two when I see how she struggles with making friends - although it seems to bother me more than it bothers her, your daughter however might be different, she really is sad that she cannot fit in.  You also need some support as her carer so go ot and find a group that might support you.  Any problems with your school can also be a lonely experience – ask for help from your local Parent partnership in education you will find their no at your lea. Hope this helps and keep the forum posted.

hi there and thanks for your advice,

i am sorry if what i said made me sound like i am negative towards my daughter, if anything i am always positive with her and tell her she is special and a beautiful person!

Yes she did have a diagnosis, but havent had help since, i am going to see the mental health team on tuesday so hopefully they can help.

Yes it is hard sometimes with a child that has problems but i wouldnt change her for the world, the only reason my daughter is ever unhappy is due to the way she gets treated by others! otherwise she is a very happy child! 

Hi there! Just to let everyone know that it went well today and got a diagnosis that my daughter has got a learning disability and that she is hopefully going to get statemented, i know its going to be hard but i will move heaven and earth if it means my daughter gets the help she deserves!  Found out something new today, apparantly she has an IQ of 72, if she was 2 under she would have to go to a special needs school!

Anyway, glad the ball is finally rolling :) 

Hi sal77, my name's Rachel and I work at Mencap.

I just wanted to say well done for continuing to fight for your daughter's diagnosis. We hear from a lot of parents how hard the process can be, but it often is the first step for getting the help and support you need. I hope this is the case for you and your family, especially after everything your daughter has been through.

Also, we have a guide to statementing which you might find useful at www.mencap.org.uk/statementsguide

Do keep us posted on how the next stage of your journey with your daughter goes - and very best of luck.

Best wishes,

Rachel

Thanks rachel,  the link is very useful and i definately need the help and support to know what to do as its hard to know who to turn to for advice!  

will definately keep you posted on how things go, can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel! 

You could have been describing my daughter.  Although she was statemented during the last year of primary school she was never diagnosed with anything. She had 10 hours of classroom help shared with others. At the end of upper school I felt she was just left in mid air so I got her on to two years life and work skills at the local college.  The following year she went to Otley College on a horse care course but was unable to proceed any further due to her lack of skills.  I had no help financially or otherwise through her childhood years so when she turned 18 I asked Social Services for help as it was quite apparent she would never have the confidence of her peers to earn her own living.  She now gets Disability Allowance - you may want to look into this if you are not already receiving it.  When my daughter was about 15 she asked to go horseriding which is when we discovered she had an affinity with them (wish we'd tried it from an earlier age but we knew nothing about the horse world).  After Otley College we were very fortunate to gain a place at a wonderful residential college out of county (lots more form filling).  She is now in her final year and our job is to help her in the transition to living independently (another difficult task) together with the college's help.  My daughter likes clear and simple instructions, likes routines and things to look forward to.  We had plenty of battles along the way but we wouldn't change her for the world - we just hope we're doing the best thing for her now by not letting her come home to live.   Hope this gives you a little idea of what you may have to deal with in the future.

Forgot to say that the residential college is based around learning life skills through the care of horses.  It's been a wonderful experience for her. 

Thanks patches!

Its lovely to read that your daughter is happy and now being able to enjoying life!  My daughter loves horses aswell but i must say theres something that she has found she is really good at which has really suprised myself and my husband....she is brilliant at playing cards and she loves playing it, you should see the happy look on her face while playing!  As you can imagine its turned into an obsession and we have to play it every single day but its worth seeing her happy and of course i am perminately getting beaten, she tells me she cant wait to play with her Gt Grandad as he loves playing cards aswell!  lol

I wonder if theres any courses like that in my area in Essex? will have to look around as like your daughter i think mine will benefit also.

I am waiting to see if we will get DLA, more because i have been told my daughter isnt allowed to walk outside by herself until she is at least 14 and now she is starting secondry school this september we would need the extra money for taxi's there and back as i have a 6 year old son i have to get to school at the same time which would prove impossible!

I do wonder a lot about my daughters future and am glad and i am so glad i have found this website as it helps looking into the future without feeling worried as now i know there is help for my daughter as she will always be vulnerable in society and as a parent its always going to be a great concern.