I feel Im hitting a brick wall, My 11 year old son is uncontrollable. He becomes extremley violent and verbally agressive to me his mum and his elder brother and younger sister who is aged 5. When he has an episode you are unable to reach him as he is in such a rage. He doesnt know what sets him off and is unable to stop himself. He screams and shouts telling me he hates his life he wants to die. He has tried to climb out his bedroom window (on the second floor), also he has tried to get out the car whilst going 30 mph.  My other children are afraid of him and we have to barracade ourselves into a room when he has an episode as he is physically violent. The strange part is he is able to control his temper at school and only shows a little at play time and also controls  in front of his father. So it feels like im making it up when no one else witnesses his behaviour. Although he has had an episode in front of his Gran but no seems to be listening. He feels no remorse and when he damages property like smashing my laptop, smashing my mirrored wardrobes and destruction to the house he doesnt and wont accept he has done this. He is under a Pshycologist at the moment but has only had one session, no one seems to want to accept he has any problems and Im now at breaking point. I have been to my Gp who sent me away telling me its being now dealt with by the Pshycologist.  He also plays and smears his feaces and he is due to go on his PGL trip in June I dont know if I want him to go. Although he is popular at school he does not have many actual friends and is always falling out with children at school, he will never look directly in the eye. When he was younger he spoke late not until he was 2 and half and was agressive at Mother and toddlers and would attack smaller children.

Every day is now a chore and Im frightened as what I will have to deal with, my other 2 children are very understanding and try to help. I wish someone would say if he is ill not just a naughty child like he has been labelled

Hi stressy,

Welcome to the families forums, and thank you for sharing your experiences. It sounds like you and your family could really use some additional support to help your son with his behaviour.

It’s good news that you’ve been put in touch with a psychologist, and they may well be determining a diagnosis for your son at the moment.

In the meantime - have you spoken to anyone at your son’s school about how he behaves at home? They might be able to refer him to CAMHS (Children and Adolescent Mental Health Services) for support with his behaviour.

If you have concerns that your son might be autistic, the National Autistic Society may also be able to help – you can call their helpline on 0845 070 4004 or visit their website at www.nas.org.uk

I hope this helps. There are lots of other parents talking on the forums who have concerns about their child and autism, and about difficult and challenging behaviour - so do have a look around. Hopefully some other parents will be in touch on this thread soon too.

Best wishes,
Rachel

Thanks Rachel,It is appreciated

Ive continually gone into his school and let them know of his behaviour but as he does not display any of his aggression at school they seem to think I am  just being a narotic mother. My husband is working away from home this week and has exams for his job and My child is aware of how important this week would be, but last night sitting at dinner he verbally and physically attacked my elder son aged 12 and my daughter who is aged 5 throwing his food around  and breaking items like the tv remote controller, smashing the door in once we had barricaded ourselves in. My husband had to come home and now doesnt think he will pass his exams once he walked through the door my child stopped his behaviour automatically.

. His behaviour has been so bad Im afraid of him so are his siblings

so he is staying at my mother in laws for a few days as I cant trust him to be at home. We have  all spoken with him and asked him why he does it and he is unable to answer and says he cant remember what he actually did, he also says he doesnt want to come back home as he hates me (mum) and siblings.  He is under the Pyshcologist through our local CFACS (CHILD FAMILY ADOLESCENT CONSULTATION SERVICES) but the Pyshcologist is away on holiday for 1 month and we wont be seeing him until December.  I feel he needs to be tested for Autism or Aspbergers as when he is not having an episode he is a very gentle caring little boy and know and feel my child is ill.

Hi stressy,

I’m really sorry your son’s school aren’t being more supportive. If you need someone to talk to you can always call our Learning Disability Helpline on 0808 808 1111.

The National Autistic Society have some information on their website about getting a diagnosis, which could help you think about your next steps:

http://www.autism.org.uk/en-gb/about-autism/all-about-diagnosis.aspx

They also have some information about challenging behaviour associated with autism:

http://www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/understanding-behaviour/challenging-behaviour.aspx

I hope these are helpful. Best wishes, Rachel

Hi Stressy

 I can't believe I've finally found someone who is in exactly the same situation as me, exept my son 12 does show his anger at school. We have been to CAMHS once and have to wait until 30th Nov for the next appointment. I also feel that we are not being taken seriously. I have always felt that there was something not quite right with my son but have been unable to put my finger on exactly what it is - he's just different. Within the last year he's been displaying this behaviour in school but before then it was only at home. He is extremely angry and has such a short fuse on saturday night he completely smashed up his 6 year old sisters bedroom - she was in tears. We also feel scared of him as he has admitted that he can't control himself and doesn't know what he will do. He doesn't show any remorse he doesn't care about anything. He hates me and his dad. He is also popular at school but has never had a close friend. Friends come and go but now hes hanging around in a gang and smoking.  We just don't know what to do. As soon as I read your post I just knew I had to reply to you - I never usually reply to these things.

 Would be interesting to know how you are getting on in your situation.

hi emma

I totally feel for you and fully understand how you are feeling. Its heartbreaking as well as scary to watch your own child behaving like that and seemingly having no control. As my boy stayed at his grandparents for the week his school got involved and wanted to know why he was no longer living with me or coming into school, when I explained the teacher was shocked and couldnt understand that he can be so sweet during school time but not at home. They are now happy to help me and will be contacting Social Services for a care worker to be assigned. I also had to see my 5 year old daughters teacher and explain why she also was missing school (due to being really upset) she was really helpful and doesnt want to see my youngest hurt physically or mentally so she has also got on the case. I have managed to book an appointment with my GP tommorow where I will request again an assesment for him re Autism as I feel this is what he is suffering with.   I will let you know how that goes !!. All I can say is I have been suffering this for years and all you can do is be strong for your daughter and yourself and husband and especially your son. Have you tried contacting Social Services ?? they will come out to you and review his needs, we had them come out in August but they didnt feel my son qualified for any help hopefully now they will change their minds. Dont be alarmed by Social Services they arent out to take our sons away they are just a safety net for us stressed and worn out mums and our sons who need extra support. I also tried the Autistic Society who have been great in giving me pointers in how to deal with his behaviour and who to contact etc. Keep in touch as its great to hear someone else is going through this and Im not going mad. Just keep being strong

I

Hi

Good to hear back from you. We did get social services envolved but they only made things worse within the family. We asked for their help but they couldn't understand that a normal family with values and correct disipline could have a child behave in this way. They wouldn't accept that he might have a mental problem and were trying to dig deeper for things that we could have done wrong. One time my son went so out of control that his dad had to physically restrain him. My son then told them with some exaggeration what had happened, they then turned up at our front door saying we were lucky not to be arrested without even asking us what had really happened. It was one of those nightmare situations that we thought would never happen to us but now just from that allegation his dads name is on record. They just made things so much harder for us as we now feel we can't use any force against him. My son went out of control this afternoon at school just because a teacher wanted to talk to him. He started swearing and becoming aggressive so the school had to call the police. He then returned home with me but after 5 minutes he ran off. I just wonder has your son ever run away from home? This is becoming a daily occurrence now we are just so lost. I am going to make an appointment with my GP for tomorrow. I'll just have to wait and see what he suggests, will let you know.

Hi Emma

Im so sorry for you its so frustrating when no one is interested. I feel really down tonight as just returned from the GP where they informed me that it was obviously somthing im doing wrong that he has these attacks at me and his siblings im either feeding him the wrong food ie E numbers or he is just a bit naughty and Im being narotic. Typical eh. Now im just dreading any problems from Social Services thats all I would need to add to this ever increasing problem. Do you feel all the other parents look at you and think why cant she control her child or isnt that kid awful.  Yes my boy does run away for a couple of hours although not lately it is extremly stress full and I wish some one would listen to us. We all love our children but they know how to push the boundaries, we know as parents if they are ill or just naughty so why wont the right people help...

Let me know how you get on with your Gp !! although I dont hold out much luck. Mine is going to CFACS another letter to get them to move on with it (Wow thats really going to help). He could of seriously hurt himself or someone else by then. Did the Police not take any action with your son or pass any information on as I have been told to contact the police if my son starts smashing the house again or hitting us as they will get him fast tracked !!

Keep in touch its good to know what its like to be going through (just dont blame yourself) !!. Remember if your child had an illness like an ear infection etc he would get treatment so why cant he get treatment for this ??? 

I read with interest your situation and feel that my son also has similar problems.  We are unsure whether he needs to be diagnosed with autism or whether he has ADHD at the moment. We have started to make notes of his behaviour, anything that is unusual.  He has learning difficulties, his behaviour changed dramatically in Year 4 at Primary, where he would run away and hide under tables.  He does make friends easily, however they do not remain friends for very long.  He invades personal space.  We rang social services because we couldn't deal with his difficult behaviour, I was getting depressed and he had damaged the house. It was difficult to ring social services, but am glad we did.  They came out and introduced us to a team called Family First who respond to crisis situations which is where we found ourselves just before Christmas. They will brilliant and took my son out, they felt that he does have some underlying issues, they couldn't keep him on task and he knows his own mind, they observed our parenting and gave us reassurance that our parenting was good, this was good to hear from professionals as you do doubt your ability as a parent and wonder what you have done wrong.  They have backed out now as they feel that we do not need parenting support, although we can still contact them if another crisis arises.  We met with Social Services, Family First and the school my son goes to in January.  We had been to CAMHS and they said that they would send someone into school to observe my son.  As we were all saying at this meeting that my son has some underlying problems, the lady who came from COMPASS team (they get involved before social services) couldn't offer anything from this team to my son, however she was also works closely with the CAMHS team, everyone at the meeting were saying to her that he needed to be investigated for autism/adhd, they all gave examples of his behaviour when he is with them, it was a really positive meeting which we hope will result in further investigations.  We are also in the process of getting a statement of special needs and what I want to say is not to give up, there were times when we felt that we couldn't get anywhere and nobody was listening to us.  My child is not naughty, he doesn't know how to control himself, doesn't understand consequences of his actions and feels that he is safe himself.  He doesn't understand why we worry about him, it can be really hard, but we love him.  We have followed through, he kept going missing from home and we were advised to call the police which we did.  They have been really great and we always tell them on the phone that he is missing from home, but that he has learning difficulties/special needs and does not realise the danger he puts himself in, that he is vulnerable, functioning at a much earlier age than he is and is likely to get involved in criminal activity because he doesn't understand the consequences.  He has been able to buy cigarettes from shops, but I have reported these shops to Trading Standards, any lighters he has they have been taken off him.  I have had him banned from a shop in town because he was taking lighters - he doesn't know this, as he doesn't need to know.  Don't know if what I have written has helped at all, but I hope it does.

Hi I have an 8 year old son. He is one of four boys and at the moment he is having lots of assesments he has just had one from the EP who is saying he has a social communication disorder. We are now having a team around the child meeting next week and he is waiting for a app at the child devolpment centre.

I have the same problem as you he is so aggressive and violent at home but a totally different child in school. He punches kicks and spits at me when he does not want to do something at the moment he is not slleping at all i have to put him in my bed as he walks around the house and I am worried he will injure himself sometimes its well after midnight and he is still awake I have tried everything to help him sleep massage milky drink no tv bath he has a routine but every night its the same we are all shattered the next day and he is up at 5am its like having a newborn in the house again !! 

hi my son is 8yrs old and has mild cp, we are waiting for a assessment for aspergers as his behaviour at home can be a nightmare. he is violent, agrressive and still sleeps in our bed. he constantly wants our attention and will wake us up 4 times during the night. he is an angel at school although he he has no friends and withdraws into himself , thankfully the school are backing us all the way.This is my fist time on this site and im amazed at how many
r goin through the same thins that we r.